Disclaimer: To my male readers, do
not feel disregarded. I am writing as a woman and a lot of my references will
be in favor of women. Feel free to add the right nouns as you deem fit.
Remember when you met that special someone and the connection was instant? Things started to grow between the both of you and you were imagining spending the rest of your life with this special someone. You convinced yourself that this person is the best thing that has ever happened to you, and you enjoy spending all the time in the world with them.
Then boom! you wake up one day and all this is gone, the spark you once shared has suddenly died out and you are doing everything you can to keep this person in your life but they just don't want to be a part of you anymore. You realize you've been served breakfast, and your beautiful love story is now your greatest nightmare.
If you have ever experienced Nigerian men with a little spotlight on Lagos and Abuja, then you are familiar with the gut-wrenching feeling, the sleepless nights, the endless questions and thinking you are not enough. In my very young life I have lived, I have loved, and I have been exposed to heartbreak more than once both personally and experiences from people around me. At a point, I didn’t want to hear anything from men, by men, to men. I just wanted them far far away.
By now, you guys already know that I like to do my homework and carry out research on ways to deal with certain situations because your girl be going through some things, and I just need to get out. This post isn’t an exception, and I will be going over ways to build emotional resilience and letting that pain go!
Ways to Build Emotional Resilience.
1. Do not Ignore the signs: Sometimes, you can spot a heartbreak from a mile away but instead of retreating and taking cover, you keep heading towards it. This might be because you are hopeful it won’t really happen, or you’re just so caught up in your feelings for that person. Whatever the case maybe, if a person shows you their true colors, please believe it, I’m speaking from experience.
5. Cut the ghost loose: One superpower men have is being humans and ghosts at the same time. While it's tempting to send an epistle demanding answers and being moist, (a close friend called me out this weekend for being moist, in her words “stop being a little moist wasteman”), I’ve realized that it's more respected to take the high road. If you want closure, maybe a polite and composed message might do the trick. However, be prepared for the possibility of being served lunch alongside breakfast. As they say, you never really move on until you’re embarrassed. Closure can also come from within. Let him disappear sis. He is a ghost anyway.
6. Prioritize Selfcare: Heartbreak and ghosting can make you lose sight of who you are. Take this time to rediscover yourself. Rekindle old hobbies, pick up new ones, and invest in self-care routines that make you feel like the amazing person you are. Selfcare is the best comeback.
7. Accept the situation: Accept situations for what they are. Don't try to make it more than what it is and don't try to downplay it. Just take it for what it is.
9. Distract Yourself: It’s okay to take sometime off and let the pain sink, but don’t stay there too long. Occupy yourself. Staying idle for too long allows your emotions to take over and your mind starts to wander in different directions. If you are an overthinker like me, please prioritize healthy distractions. For me, I occupy myself with work and friends. I, for one, can’t be the heartbroken girl that sits and sulks all day.
Heartbreaks of any kind are painful, and they leave you feeling awful (I’ll talk more on the different forms of heartbreak in another post). Don’t make it worse by searching for them because they’ll be having a good time, and it will tear your little heart out. If you’re familiar with Instagram, then you’re familiar with this spooky thing they do where you randomly start to see content that relates to your exact situation – AI is taking over for real! Here are a few quotes I have come across and have stuck with me:
- If they wanted to, they would.
- No response is a response.
- Not everyone in your life is supposed to be there for a lifetime.
- Be patient, your person is coming.
So off I go to deal with these feelings so I can come back stronger for my fellow soldiers that need me.
Side note: I know you guys are probably wondering “why does she use so many gifs on her posts?” Well, the truth is my response to a lot of the things that happen in my life is mostly comical and I hope the gifs make you smile, and you see a light at the end of this tunnel called life.
Love,
Wonu.