In the world we live in today, it's easy to lose sight of the one person who physically carries you through all the craziness, opportunities and disappointments: YOURSELF. This is because we are so focused on watering our relationships, careers, goals and everything else, forgetting that we ourselves need watering. How possible is it to water from an empty tank? When I talk about prioritizing self-care, I do not just say it as a trendy concept; I say it as a fundamental practice that fuels our ability to thrive in all other areas of life. Think about it; who is going to carry you through all your goals and aspirations if you are beat up and worn out?  Lately, I have been so caught up with loving me some me and the discoveries have been nothing short of mind blowing and I am here to tell you guys that it is a very worthwhile investment.  I never want my people missing out, so I did my homework and I’ll be sharing tips on how to prioritize yourself.

The Broad Spectrum of Self-Care – Meditations to Adventures

A lot of times when we hear self-care, we immediately think all it involves are spa sessions, meditation and mindfulness (though those are fantastic!), but it is also about finding joy and excitement in things that make you feel alive. Imagine starting your day with a solo date and ending the night at a pub with a group of friends. Self-care is about balance—nurturing your soul, body, and mind in equal measure. Take charge of your mind, be intentional about yourself.

The Silence of Disconnect: The Power of a Digital Detox

Social media from time to time gets very noisy and we tend to underestimate the capacity of the that noise.  I consider disconnecting from social media as an act of radical self-care. You just have to take it by force, or you are going to get caught up in the web of addiction.  Creating spaces in your life that are free from the buzz and beep of notifications lets you to reconnect with the immediate world around you and allows you room for things that move your spirit.  It’s in these unplugged moments that you might find deeper conversations or a renewed passion. This is a very tested and trusted method.  

The Strength in Saying No

It’s okay to say no and not feel guilty about it. It's about honoring your boundaries and dedicating yourself to what truly enriches your life. It’s okay to say no to that relationship that does not serve you, that job that wants to underpay you, no to overcommitment.  Prioritize loving yourself just as much as you love everyone else around you. Say no to things that don't serve your well-being or align with your values. 

The Adventure of Saying Yes: Embracing New Experiences

Self-care can also mean opening yourself to new experiences. Enroll for that dancing class, learn how to play lawn tennis, go on that solo date, just explore! I have been on little tour of the adventures in London and I am having a blast and below are the side effects I’m currently experiencing.

*Side Effects: Deeper sense of self recognition

                         Improved mood

                         New memories

                         New exposure

                         Loads of excitement

                       New interests and skills

Tell me again why you wouldn’t want to try this? New experiences reconnect us with our sense of wonder, reminding us that we are not just existing, we are living. There are loads of cost-effective fun things to do and I will talk about that in another post. 

The Magic of Micro-Moments

Let's demolish the lie that says you must dedicate a whole day to self-care. While I would encourage that, you can also have small, intentional actions that weave a fabric of well-being into your daily life. A five-minute dance break between meetings, satisfying your cravings or a moment of gratitude before bed can significantly uplift your spirit. Take charge of your day, some days you may not be able to take charge and that’s okay, not every day will be like that. Be tender with yourself. 

Nourish to Flourish: Caring for Body and Mind

Self-care is as much about what you put into your body as what you do with it. Start a skincare routine, sign up at the gym, enjoy a diet rich in fruits and vegetables. It isn't just about physical health; it's about feeling good, having more energy, and treating yourself with the love and respect you deserve. Cut out excessive intake of things that are detrimental to your wellbeing, be conscious about everything that you take in physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. It’s not as easy as it sounds, it’s okay to slip up but make sure to pick yourself up every time till you get it right. Remember, you are not your enemy. 

Embracing self-care is a lifelong journey that looks different for everyone. It's an ever-evolving practice that adapts to your changing needs, desires, and circumstances. You are not selfish for prioritizing yourself, you're ensuring that you're your best self for everyone around you. Prioritize yourself, treat yourself with the same compassion and care you offer to others. 

 

This post is one I have struggled to write. I have started and stopped so many times majorly because I'm currently in a phase where life’s pressure has been hitting me a little too hard, I couldn't find my wit or the energy to write from the angle where I can successfully convince you guys that I face my challenges head-on and kick them in the butt (so pardon me if this post isn't as witty as usual).  Trust me when I say nothing has been funny these past few weeks.

The mind has its way of playing tricks on you and letting you believe that you're far behind where you ought to be. Allowing your emotions to take the lead may a lot of times (if not all the time) hinder you from making any real progress.  So, I decided to reach out to a few people I know because I needed a little reassurance and some real talk. Here’s what they had to say;

•  Kobi – I pray and take each day as it comes. I believe that my response to situations stems from my mind, so whenever I feel pressured, I take a step back to analyze what I have been feeding my mind with. I do this because I know when I feed myself with the right things I am not swayed by life’s pressures or what other people have going on.
• Uju – I cry o, plenty tears. I allow myself to feel all that needs to be felt and when I’m done, I face my pressures with a mindset that knows and believes that life is in seasons and my time will definitely come. No matter the rain, sun go still shine.
• Sherry – I take life one day at a time, draw up my itinerary and go about my day. There’s only one life and it’s important to live it with a positive mindset.
• Tomi- First off, I’m a doctor. My job gives me little or no time to feel pressured from life or watching people forge ahead.  But jokes aside, I pretty much remind myself that I’m on my own path and with it comes different routes and complexities. This mindset helps me get rid of these pressures when they come, with a lot of sleep of course lol.
• Tobi – I tend to withdraw from things and people around me. I cry, if need be, have a stiff drink, take it slow and face my challenges head on.
• Molade – I realized that a lot of my pressures come from me comparing my life with someone else’s and I woke up one day and decided that I would turn my worries into gratitude. I know where I’m coming from, and I remember that I once prayed for everything I have now. I focus on myself and making the most of my life doing the things I love and things that make me happy. All of these keeps me grounded and I am reminded that everything will be perfected in its time and I’m not behind, I’m right where I need to be.
• Adeoye – Most of the time pressure is internal, we as individuals put this pressure on ourselves and in my opinion, the only way to deal with it is to not put that pressure on yourself. It usually stems from getting older and realizing you have not checked out certain goals and dreams. My advice, you have to remind yourself that your race & journey is unique, and you are on the right track (that is of course if you have been putting in the work to get all that you desire). You remind yourself how far you have come. It doesn’t matter what other people might have done at your age, you did not start out the same way as them and you certainly do not have the same story. Focus on your journey and take it one step at a time.
• Omolola - Well, to be honest I don't feel pressured about peers who seem to be moving ahead because I'm aware that we are on different journeys and our destinations are also different. I've seen and I know what the Lord has planned for me as regards my next step and moving ahead. So as against feeling pressured, I'm stewarding the promise till the Kairos moment of manifestation by following the voice of the Holy Spirit in carrying out little assignments that come up on the way diligently and being present and discerning so I don't miss my moment.
• Ayodeji - I have come to understand that the difference between me and the people that forge ahead is effort. Nobody really has it easy (even though sometimes it looks easy) but being willing to put in an extra effort - in ordinary things, on days when you are tired or feel discouraged - is a way to stay motivated. Another thing is realizing that when pressure comes and life feels overwhelming, I need to breathe, smile, and try to articulate reasons why I am overwhelmed. It’s ok to take a break, but don’t give up. It’s ok to have fluctuating energies on some days. Acknowledge it and don’t beat yourself up on the days when your energy is low. Rather save your energy, gather momentum, and go again. One more thing, I believe that life is  a series of individual races, with each person on their own track. So, it's expected that we won't all arrive at the same destination. If someone is forging ahead today, I sincerely cheer them on and wish them well. Their progress doesn't dampen my spirits, instead I remain confident that my time will come.
• Korede -I remember that I am not them and they are not me. There are good things I have they don’t have. There are bad things they have I don’t have. I also believe they must have done stuff to get that. I ask myself if I am ready to put in the work to reach and surpass greater heights and I make a choice and focus on all I need to do get there. I also tend to reach out to close friends and family for some encouragement. We all need a good support system.
• Esther - So, being an adult is hard normally and it’s even harder when you have expectations of yourself or ideas of where you think you should be, and you haven’t met these expectations. How I deal with it is to reduce the pressure I put on myself and constantly remind myself that I’m doing the best I can do and there are so many things that are out of my control. I focus on the things I can control and do them to the best of my abilities. Also, with seeing people forge ahead, I try to remind myself that everyone’s path is different, and things happen for everyone differently. I try to also practice gratitude too because when you’re focusing on others, you lose sight of the things that are actually going well for you. I try to count my blessings as often as possible. Also, God, I try to pray and focus on Him too.
• Yemisi- Staying still. Whenever I feel myself getting pressured, I take some alone time to gather my thoughts and recharge, I choose to isolate myself from distractions and the outside world by sleeping & resting. It helps me find clarity and regain focus. I do not feel pressured by seeing people forge ahead, if anything I’m inspired because it gives me hope that there’s more out there waiting for me. One tip to staying levelheaded is that I plug into communities where I can find resourceful help, information & guidance.
• Theresa – Me vs me...that's what comes to mind when I think of pressure! I know that the world puts enough pressure on me and that I don't have to choose to add more. Alas, it can't be helped as I'm truly a person who has always envisaged myself thriving. When I have felt extremely low, I remind myself that I'm not in a race against any opponents, and the pressure I put on myself can start to drag me down if I let it. I always say to myself that my life is not a race, it’s a journey. The route I take is life itself, and my navigation system is my mind. However, my mind continually tends to make me stop from time to time and dwell in a place of worry. Being in that place of worry is always dark and devastating! I camp there a while just pondering about how to continue until God shines a light towards a sign that says 'Hope, This way' and another that says 'Keep going'. I see these signs in many ways but mostly in the faces of my children and feel instantly encouraged. So, I try to channel my self-inflicted pressure into motivation. I make a plan or set goals, even if they aren't big ones, and when I achieve them, I reward myself. Because life is short, so I choose to let myself be happy and keep going forward knowing that the things I want in life are coming to me.
• Yinka – While we can all agree that life comes with a lot of pressure, whether it’s from work, friends, family and a lot of times, personal pressure. It is important to set a goal for yourself and work towards achieving it but ensure to do it at your own pace. I’m not going to deny that I don’t feel pressured sometimes, but this is what has always helped. It’s safe to say I turn my pressures into motivations. Another important thing is to be utterly honest with yourself even with the truths you do not want to hear. I am a strong believer of the popular saying “there is always light at the end of the tunnel”. So, pace yourself, take it one step at a time. And this right here is my tip to maintaining a steady head.

After reading all that my friends had to say, I realized one thing they were all saying- Everyone has their unique journeys and if you hang in there long enough you will reach your full potential. I appreciate you guys a lot for sharing. 

Another thing you can try is to take a personality test as it may help you understand your temperament and how you can tackle challenges. But bear in mind that all these is based off someone else’s intensive analysis and observation of human behavior, it is not a total representation of who you are. Here are a few links to some tests I took recently.

https://www.truity.com/test/type-finder-personality-test-new

https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/temperament-test

https://openpsychometrics.org/tests/O4TS/

My posts are therapy for me, and I hope that they are therapy for anyone else on a similar journey. One thing I know and believe is that the lines will fall in pleasant places if you stay true to yourself. It’s okay if you weren’t able to achieve all that you desired in the previous year, we go again! We keep going until we achieve all that we are. But don’t forget to water yourself, give yourself time to stop, rejuvenate and keep going again. I saw a post recently that said we keep going because we believe if we show up every single day, there’s a chance that something might change. And that in itself is the absolute truth.

I'm going to wrap this up with a quote from a video that I love so much by one of the greatest poets of all time - Speed Darlington 'If I don't laugh, I'll cry, so it's better I laugh even if I have to force it'. Staying down does not fix your situation, so chin up and laugh from the bottom of your heart, it's all working out for your good.

Here’s to a year of unimaginable possibilities and endless opportunities. The world is your oyster so go out there and soar!

 

 

Birthdays: a time of joy, celebration, and let's face it sometimes...a touch of sadness. They can often feel like an emotional rollercoaster. The mix of celebration and reflection stirs up feelings of joy, nostalgia, and the blues. For the most part of my life, I have always dreaded my birthdays not for any particular reason, but somehow, I had found a way to turn my birthdays into a day of reflection instead of celebration. Some years you’re up, excited for what’s ahead. Other times, you’re down, perhaps feeling a bit older, a touch lonelier, or just not where you thought you’d be.

It’s my birthday in a few days and it is the first in a new country, you already know the blues are coming in like mighty waves. The thought of being away from home and not being able to spend the day with my loved ones like I normally would makes it even worse. But then I said to myself - why settle for the blues when you can paint your birthday in vibrant hues? So, if your birthday is around the corner, and like me, you are so not looking forward to it, this post is for you 🫵🏼. Let’s navigate these emotions and make your special day a blast!

Embrace the Emotional Journey

Recognize that it's normal to have a range of emotions on your birthday. It's a significant marker of time, and it's natural to reflect on where you are in life versus where you thought you'd be. It is also important to note while embracing these feelings that it’s okay not to have all that you desire, life is a process and good things take time. Start by reminding yourself of how amazing you are. Jot down all the cool things you've done this year. Big or small, every achievement is a high five to yourself!

Reframing Your Perspective

Shift your focus from aging to evolving. Contrary to popular practice I’m excited to be getting older, I’m interested in seeing what these next few years have in store for me. Your birthday isn't just a reminder that you're a year older; it's a celebration of how far you've come and how much more greatness lies ahead. Reflect on your personal growth and accomplishments, it’s okay to celebrate yourself.

Plan an adventure.

Growing up is realizing you have to do all you can to make your day special so why not shake things up this year? Instead of the usual dinner and cake, plan something you've never done before. Skydiving, building a plane from scratch, or a night at an open mic - pick something that excites you. A friend of mine got us tickets to this show called Chocolate men, now I’m not sure what to expect but I’m definitely looking forward to what this show has in store *wink, wink*. New experiences can be exhilarating and a great antidote to the birthday blues.

Strengthen Connections

Reach out to friends or family members who uplift you. A conversation with someone who understands and appreciates you can be incredibly uplifting and a reminder of the positive relationships in your life. My bestie and I have our birthdays a day apart, and when the days are approaching, we motivate each other. I motivate her to celebrate hers and she does the same to me. It’s your birthday, make it nice!

Pamper Yourself

Birthdays are the perfect excuse for some extra self-care. Whether it's a spa day or buying that pair of shoes you think are so expensive or going on a trip, treat yourself with kindness and celebrate your day. Spoil yourself, you deserve it.

 Create a Birthday Ritual

Establish a personal birthday tradition that holds special meaning for you. My friends and I make it a point of duty to spend our birthdays together, even if it means spending the day doing nothing together, or something more active like shutting the bar down, whatever it is make sure it is something you enjoy. If you are in a new environment like me, please share interesting birthday activities. Let’s make the most of our special day. 

We live in a world where external validation is a driving force that tends to overshadow personal belief. Knowingly or unknowingly, you start to build your values around what you believe is accepted by society and how you can fit in. One thing I have realized is that it is easy to underestimate yourself, it is very easy to downplay your efforts by hiding under faux humility and then you slowly start to believe that there is nothing special about you.

Well, this post is for all my baddies with low self-esteem, I am here to tell you that there is a lot special about you and there’s no standard set for who you are supposed to be. Let’s get into ways you can build self-confidence.

1. Recognize Your Unique Value:

Everyone has unique skills and there is something about experiences, and perspectives that sets you apart from everyone else. Start by acknowledging your individuality, even if it means standing in front of the mirror and saying, “I am a badass”. I recently started making a list of my strengths, wins, weakness and values. Reflect on how these qualities contribute to your experiences and relationships. Write down five qualities or skills that you appreciate about yourself. These can be anything from being a good listener to being an undercover FBI agent. Find what makes you, you and harness your superpower.

2. Set Healthy Boundaries:

With low self-esteem comes the urge to take a lot of undermining things because you just don’t think you deserve better. That’s a big fat lie and it is one of the many tricks your mind plays on you. Set healthy boundaries, always ensure that there is a line very well drawn. Hold people accountable respectfully (unless they disrespect you then please by all means pop off on them). Protect your inner peace.

3. Overcome Negative Self-Talk:

Now I’m the queen of trash talking oneself (this isn’t a flex, and I am not about to make it one) and I can say for a fact that negative self-talks do a great job of convincing that you are incapable of doing incredibly great things.  These thoughts are very intrusive and can come in at anytime and anywhere. I have had these thoughts when I’m doing the most random things and looking back at those moments, I wish I challenged these thoughts by questioning their validity and replacing them with positive affirmations. Encourage yourself and tell yourself all the good things you want to hear. Start by not throwing the first jab that comes in your head at yourself. Go a day without saying bad things to yourself and slowly progress into a lifetime free from negative self-talks.

4. Set Achievable Goals:

Setting goals whether big or small and being able to achieve them is a great way to boost your self-belief and confidence. Start with little tasks like starting your day early, exercising weekly, killing a fly every day, anything at all! Receive the joy that comes with celebrating yourself.

5. Develop a Growth Mindset:

Be an optimist, you know what they say about the law of attraction. You attract what you think. Having a growth mindset lets you see challenges as opportunities for developing yourself and not an avenue to kick yourself when you are down. Embrace learning, allow yourself to be a beginner, no one ever really gets it right at first try.

6. Seek Constructive Feedback:

A little constructive feedback and reassurance from your loved ones can go a long way. One thing I am thankful for, is having friends who keep it real with me and do it with so much love. Engage with people close to you, friends, family, mentors or coaches who can provide constructive feedback. Use this feedback as a tool for your growth and not a determinant of what you can do. Keep building, life is a place for continuous learning.

7. Accept Self-Compassion:

Be kind to yourself. Give yourself grace, the many chances you give people that hurt you, extend that same grace to yourself. In the words of Black Sherriff, “who never mess up hands in the air”. Make those mistakes but be sure to learn from them. Practice self-compassion by treating yourself with kindness. Be a good person to yourself. Accept that your journey is different from everyone else and enjoy the process. There's a line from a song by a Nigerian artiste and he said in my local language (Yoruba) “Even if it takes me time to get there, I'll get there when I get there”. Take it easy with yourself.

8. Nurture Your Physical and Mental Health:

Take good care of your health, it gets you through it all. Your physical well-being can significantly impact your confidence. Exercise regularly & maintain a healthy diet. I’m currently on a strict diet for the 100^th time this year and it doesn’t matter how many times you restart, always make it a habit to pay attention to your wellbeing when you seem to be going out of line. Again, MENTAL HEALTH IS HEALTH! I simply cannot overemphasize this, pay attention to your mental health. Everything we believe about ourselves comes from the mind. Pay attention to the source.

9. Invest in Continuous Learning:

Expand your knowledge. Beating yourself for not knowing enough or being enough would not make you enough. A recent pact I made with myself is to stop whining about not being a certain way but rather transferring all that energy into being the version of me that I want to be. Upskill yourself, take courses, practice, simply put in the work to improve yourself and be better.

10. Surround Yourself with Positive Influences:

Everyone needs cheerleaders in their corner. People who are constantly rooting for them and cheering them on. Surround yourself with people that never fail to remind you how bad you are. The company you keep can influence your self-perception.

I'll leave you with something a close friend of mine told on one of my very many days where I think I'm not good enough. He said ‘the only person standing in your way is you and if only you will get out of your way, then you can see how bright your light shines’ It hit and as I was writing this post I remembered, and it hit event more. You're capable of everything you dream, think or imagine. Allow your light shine. Imagine a life where you believed in yourself, and you achieved all you have ever wanted and more. 

 

 

Relocating: it's the adult version of the first day at a new school or your first day at a new job, DREADFUL! You’re in a new place, where every street corner is unfamiliar, your go-to spot is yet to be discovered and life as you know it is completely altered. You've packed up all your things ready for this new life, you arrive and you're looking in the crowd for a friendly face or a sign saying, "New friends found here!" It's an emotional cocktail – one part excitement, two parts anxiety, with a spoonful of loneliness to taste. In my case, it was most parts anxiety and other parts doubt

Relocation is a major life change, and with it comes a rollercoaster of emotions. Being an overthinker makes it even worse because you’re stuck worrying about what’s next to come and then over planning. If this sounds like you, you're not alone in feeling alone. You may have noticed that this blog is my secret diary where I stylishly share things of interest and look for coping mechanisms. It's not going to be different with this next post. Some of you already know I recently relocated for my master’s; and yes! The home sickness be hitting this baby girl hard on some days. So, let’s delve into the ways of dealing with the loneliness that comes with relocating.

Tips for dealing with loneliness from relocation.

1. Recognize the Rollercoaster of Relocation