We live in a world where external validation is a driving force that tends to overshadow personal belief. Knowingly or unknowingly, you start to build your values around what you believe is accepted by society and how you can fit in. One thing I have realized is that it is easy to underestimate yourself, it is very easy to downplay your efforts by hiding under faux humility and then you slowly start to believe that there is nothing special about you.

Well, this post is for all my baddies with low self-esteem, I am here to tell you that there is a lot special about you and there’s no standard set for who you are supposed to be. Let’s get into ways you can build self-confidence.

1. Recognize Your Unique Value:

Everyone has unique skills and there is something about experiences, and perspectives that sets you apart from everyone else. Start by acknowledging your individuality, even if it means standing in front of the mirror and saying, “I am a badass”. I recently started making a list of my strengths, wins, weakness and values. Reflect on how these qualities contribute to your experiences and relationships. Write down five qualities or skills that you appreciate about yourself. These can be anything from being a good listener to being an undercover FBI agent. Find what makes you, you and harness your superpower.

2. Set Healthy Boundaries:

With low self-esteem comes the urge to take a lot of undermining things because you just don’t think you deserve better. That’s a big fat lie and it is one of the many tricks your mind plays on you. Set healthy boundaries, always ensure that there is a line very well drawn. Hold people accountable respectfully (unless they disrespect you then please by all means pop off on them). Protect your inner peace.

Now I’m the queen of trash talking oneself (this isn’t a flex, and I am not about to make it one) and I can say for a fact that negative self-talks do a great job of convincing that you are incapable of doing incredibly great things.  These thoughts are very intrusive and can come in at anytime and anywhere. I have had these thoughts when I’m doing the most random things and looking back at those moments, I wish I challenged these thoughts by questioning their validity and replacing them with positive affirmations. Encourage yourself and tell yourself all the good things you want to hear. Start by not throwing the first jab that comes in your head at yourself. Go a day without saying bad things to yourself and slowly progress into a lifetime free from negative self-talks.

Setting goals whether big or small and being able to achieve them is a great way to boost your self-belief and confidence. Start with little tasks like starting your day early, exercising weekly, killing a fly every day, anything at all! Receive the joy that comes with celebrating yourself.

5. Develop a Growth Mindset:

Be an optimist, you know what they say about the law of attraction. You attract what you think. Having a growth mindset lets you see challenges as opportunities for developing yourself and not an avenue to kick yourself when you are down. Embrace learning, allow yourself to be a beginner, no one ever really gets it right at first try.

6. Seek Constructive Feedback:

A little constructive feedback and reassurance from your loved ones can go a long way. One thing I am thankful for, is having friends who keep it real with me and do it with so much love. Engage with people close to you, friends, family, mentors or coaches who can provide constructive feedback. Use this feedback as a tool for your growth and not a determinant of what you can do. Keep building, life is a place for continuous learning.

7. Accept Self-Compassion:

Be kind to yourself. Give yourself grace, the many chances you give people that hurt you, extend that same grace to yourself. In the words of Black Sherriff, “who never mess up hands in the air”. Make those mistakes but be sure to learn from them. Practice self-compassion by treating yourself with kindness. Be a good person to yourself. Accept that your journey is different from everyone else and enjoy the process. There's a line from a song by a Nigerian artiste and he said in my local language (Yoruba) “Even if it takes me time to get there, I'll get there when I get there”. Take it easy with yourself.

8. Nurture Your Physical and Mental Health:

Take good care of your health, it gets you through it all. Your physical well-being can significantly impact your confidence. Exercise regularly & maintain a healthy diet. I’m currently on a strict diet for the 100^th time this year and it doesn’t matter how many times you restart, always make it a habit to pay attention to your wellbeing when you seem to be going out of line. Again, MENTAL HEALTH IS HEALTH! I simply cannot overemphasize this, pay attention to your mental health. Everything we believe about ourselves comes from the mind. Pay attention to the source.

Expand your knowledge. Beating yourself for not knowing enough or being enough would not make you enough. A recent pact I made with myself is to stop whining about not being a certain way but rather transferring all that energy into being the version of me that I want to be. Upskill yourself, take courses, practice, simply put in the work to improve yourself and be better.

10. Surround Yourself with Positive Influences:

Everyone needs cheerleaders in their corner. People who are constantly rooting for them and cheering them on. Surround yourself with people that never fail to remind you how bad you are. The company you keep can influence your self-perception.

I'll leave you with something a close friend of mine told on one of my very many days where I think I'm not good enough. He said ‘the only person standing in your way is you and if only you will get out of your way, then you can see how bright your light shines’ It hit and as I was writing this post I remembered, and it hit event more. You're capable of everything you dream, think or imagine. Allow your light shine. Imagine a life where you believed in yourself, and you achieved all you have ever wanted and more. 

Relocating: it's the adult version of the first day at a new school or your first day at a new job, DREADFUL! You’re in a new place, where every street corner is unfamiliar, your go-to spot is yet to be discovered and life as you know it is completely altered. You've packed up all your things ready for this new life, you arrive and you're looking in the crowd for a friendly face or a sign saying, "New friends found here!" It's an emotional cocktail – one part excitement, two parts anxiety, with a spoonful of loneliness to taste. In my case, it was most parts anxiety and other parts doubt

Relocation is a major life change, and with it comes a rollercoaster of emotions. Being an overthinker makes it even worse because you’re stuck worrying about what’s next to come and then over planning. If this sounds like you, you're not alone in feeling alone. You may have noticed that this blog is my secret diary where I stylishly share things of interest and look for coping mechanisms. It's not going to be different with this next post. Some of you already know I recently relocated for my master’s; and yes! The home sickness be hitting this baby girl hard on some days. So, let’s delve into the ways of dealing with the loneliness that comes with relocating.

Tips for dealing with loneliness from relocation.

1. Recognize the Rollercoaster of Relocation

For my people who like to remain in their shell, the best way to shrink the feeling of loneliness is to enlarge your world. Get out there and explore. Try new things, embark on new adventures, create new hobbies. One of the things I have picked up since relocating is going on long walks. I have figured that these walks help me stay sane and somehow gives me a sense of belonging. Every landmark you recognize, every local coffee shop you claim as your own, starts to make this new community feel like home.

3. Socialize Smart: Connect with Purpose

Some people say in the age of social media, you're never truly alone. While this is true, this also has its downsides. It is very easy to get carried away with social media that you forget we live in a real world with real people. I understand the struggles of making friends in your adult years, especially because I can be very introverted and shy. I went to a friend’s birthday party the other day and I felt very out of place, majorly because I was in a new environment with a group of people I didn’t know, and I just didn’t feel like I fit in(or maybe they weren’t as receptive as I’d expected). I went home feeling like I could have been more outspoken and who knows, I could have made a new friend. Socialize at every opportunity but don’t force anything. Be more outspoken, approach people, start conversations.  What’s the worst that’ll happen? You’ll get snubbed? That’s okay, no one wants to be friends with snobs anyway. Instead of using social media as an avenue to escape reality, use these online platforms to find local events, meetups, or clubs that spark your interest. If you have any suggestions, please drop them in the comments, let’s build new connections and friendships.

4. Maintain Existing Relationships.

Keep your old friends on speed dial. It is very easy to get caught up in the rollercoaster of relocation that you forget life is happening to everyone at the same time. Remember you are just a call or text away from your loved ones back at home. Keeping the lines of communication open with your tribe can provide a comforting continuity in your life. To my besties, you guys better not think of replacing me.

5. Consider a Furry Companion

 People say pets are a man’s best friend, or is it dogs? I’m not sure now but you get what I mean. If your situation allows, getting a pet could fill your home with love and give you a sense of companionship. I personally don’t like any creature that moves and is not a human being (actually, we can throw a little bit of humans into the mix) but my alter ego lives in a pent house with a dog named Skylar and they are best of friends. They say animals have a way of filling spaces in places and hearts we didn’t even know were empty. This is your sign to get a pet if you love animals.

6. Be Patient

Be patient with yourself. This is one tough tip for me to swallow because I’m very hard on myself and I never extend the same grace to myself as I do to others. It is important to remember, Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither will your new life in this new country. Do not force friendships, let it all flow naturally. Nobody wants to be stuck in a friendship with a group of people who they have to force a vibe with. Give yourself the grace to take it one day at a time.

7. Prioritizing Selfcare

I’m sure by now you guys know how passionate I am about selfcare. SELFCARE IS THE BEST CARE! Invest in self-care, discover what makes you tick, develop yourself. Use this solitary time to get to know yourself better. I’m recently learning a lot of new things about myself, and I am so shocked at some of the things I’m uncovering.  The better your company, the less daunting the loneliness.

8. Seeking Professional Help if Needed

Mental health is health. If you are overwhelmed by loneliness, please do not feel ashamed to reach out and seek professional help from a therapist or a counselor. Sometimes we might need to talk to people other than our friends or family and that is totally okay. Prioritize your mental health, it is just as important as your physical health.

Relocating can indeed feel like a solo journey at times, but it's also an open door to self-discovery and new chapters. Embrace the new beginnings, life is giving you another opportunity to start over and get everything you desire.  Remember, the only way to move forward is to keep moving.  – one interaction, one smile, and one day at a time.

P.S: If you’ve recently moved, please share tips in the comments on how you’ve dealt with relocation, let’s help each other overcome this phase.