We live in a world where external validation is a driving force that tends to overshadow personal belief. Knowingly or unknowingly, you start to build your values around what you believe is accepted by society and how you can fit in. One thing I have realized is that it is easy to underestimate yourself, it is very easy to downplay your efforts by hiding under faux humility and then you slowly start to believe that there is nothing special about you.

Well, this post is for all my baddies with low self-esteem, I am here to tell you that there is a lot special about you and there’s no standard set for who you are supposed to be. Let’s get into ways you can build self-confidence.

1. Recognize Your Unique Value:

Everyone has unique skills and there is something about experiences, and perspectives that sets you apart from everyone else. Start by acknowledging your individuality, even if it means standing in front of the mirror and saying, “I am a badass”. I recently started making a list of my strengths, wins, weakness and values. Reflect on how these qualities contribute to your experiences and relationships. Write down five qualities or skills that you appreciate about yourself. These can be anything from being a good listener to being an undercover FBI agent. Find what makes you, you and harness your superpower.

2. Set Healthy Boundaries:

With low self-esteem comes the urge to take a lot of undermining things because you just don’t think you deserve better. That’s a big fat lie and it is one of the many tricks your mind plays on you. Set healthy boundaries, always ensure that there is a line very well drawn. Hold people accountable respectfully (unless they disrespect you then please by all means pop off on them). Protect your inner peace.

Now I’m the queen of trash talking oneself (this isn’t a flex, and I am not about to make it one) and I can say for a fact that negative self-talks do a great job of convincing that you are incapable of doing incredibly great things.  These thoughts are very intrusive and can come in at anytime and anywhere. I have had these thoughts when I’m doing the most random things and looking back at those moments, I wish I challenged these thoughts by questioning their validity and replacing them with positive affirmations. Encourage yourself and tell yourself all the good things you want to hear. Start by not throwing the first jab that comes in your head at yourself. Go a day without saying bad things to yourself and slowly progress into a lifetime free from negative self-talks.

Setting goals whether big or small and being able to achieve them is a great way to boost your self-belief and confidence. Start with little tasks like starting your day early, exercising weekly, killing a fly every day, anything at all! Receive the joy that comes with celebrating yourself.

5. Develop a Growth Mindset:

Be an optimist, you know what they say about the law of attraction. You attract what you think. Having a growth mindset lets you see challenges as opportunities for developing yourself and not an avenue to kick yourself when you are down. Embrace learning, allow yourself to be a beginner, no one ever really gets it right at first try.

6. Seek Constructive Feedback:

A little constructive feedback and reassurance from your loved ones can go a long way. One thing I am thankful for, is having friends who keep it real with me and do it with so much love. Engage with people close to you, friends, family, mentors or coaches who can provide constructive feedback. Use this feedback as a tool for your growth and not a determinant of what you can do. Keep building, life is a place for continuous learning.

7. Accept Self-Compassion:

Be kind to yourself. Give yourself grace, the many chances you give people that hurt you, extend that same grace to yourself. In the words of Black Sherriff, “who never mess up hands in the air”. Make those mistakes but be sure to learn from them. Practice self-compassion by treating yourself with kindness. Be a good person to yourself. Accept that your journey is different from everyone else and enjoy the process. There's a line from a song by a Nigerian artiste and he said in my local language (Yoruba) “Even if it takes me time to get there, I'll get there when I get there”. Take it easy with yourself.

8. Nurture Your Physical and Mental Health:

Take good care of your health, it gets you through it all. Your physical well-being can significantly impact your confidence. Exercise regularly & maintain a healthy diet. I’m currently on a strict diet for the 100^th time this year and it doesn’t matter how many times you restart, always make it a habit to pay attention to your wellbeing when you seem to be going out of line. Again, MENTAL HEALTH IS HEALTH! I simply cannot overemphasize this, pay attention to your mental health. Everything we believe about ourselves comes from the mind. Pay attention to the source.

Expand your knowledge. Beating yourself for not knowing enough or being enough would not make you enough. A recent pact I made with myself is to stop whining about not being a certain way but rather transferring all that energy into being the version of me that I want to be. Upskill yourself, take courses, practice, simply put in the work to improve yourself and be better.

10. Surround Yourself with Positive Influences:

Everyone needs cheerleaders in their corner. People who are constantly rooting for them and cheering them on. Surround yourself with people that never fail to remind you how bad you are. The company you keep can influence your self-perception.

I'll leave you with something a close friend of mine told on one of my very many days where I think I'm not good enough. He said ‘the only person standing in your way is you and if only you will get out of your way, then you can see how bright your light shines’ It hit and as I was writing this post I remembered, and it hit event more. You're capable of everything you dream, think or imagine. Allow your light shine. Imagine a life where you believed in yourself, and you achieved all you have ever wanted and more.